L.H. “Everywhere I go, couples abound. I have not had a relationship in a very long time. I think I’m scared to get hurt again. How do I mend my broken heart?” Love Hurts
H.S. Since you asked, Love Hurts, what if you could re-examine what love is? To keep it really simple, let’s say that there are 3 consciousness states of love: Love of Self, Love of Other, Love of All. All three have love as the common denominator But let’s be more precise. I propose that we define the LOVE denominator as everything; the air you breathe, as the ocean fish swim, as the fabric of this Universe. Ok?
L.H. Ok, but how does that work to help me feel good about LOVE?
H.S. Well, let’s look at Love of Self. Ask yourself these 3 questions and pay attention to how your body and mind respond:
L.H. Oh, that’s intense. I never thought to ask myself how I receive love. My stomach actually felt queasy. I think it would be pretty tough to look at myself and say “I love you!” I have to work on that.
H.S. That’s a great idea. The truth is: the body never lies. The mind, well, it loves to assert truth! What the mind believes as self- important, it will seek to confirm in your everyday life. Once the mind is comfortable with its truth, you can feel safe and in control. In fact, the mind will regularly invite you to bypass or ignore real feelings and propose how you “should” feel so you can maintain status quo.
L.H. Ok, THAT really hit home. My head is definitely in charge. I guess my mind’s been working overtime to figure out how to keep me safe from what I perceive hurts, like being in love! If I’m not really ok with love in myself, it's way easier to believe that it is all about “the other” not loving me. Hmm, all this time, I’ve been projecting, feeling angry and even feeling jealous... OMG, I’ve been a victim of my own perception!
H.S. That is an incredible insight! I totally empathize with you. Sounds like you’ve been dealing with a lot. The very fact that all those feelings have surfaced, I propose, is a blessing. It’s your heart and body letting you know that the “upper-management” -your mind- needs to experience the Truth about Love. The moment all of you (your mind-body-heart-spirit) aligns with Truth; you heal the Self. When you love your Self...it’s so much easier to feel at peace with Loving the Other. The Self and Other; it's a dance teaching each person what it is to give and receive love, attention, kindness and compassion. The whole dynamic is based upon your shared needs, hopes, desires, expectations and feelings. In all relationships, when something triggers you, remember that you have the power to change your choices and reactions. It is your awareness that reveals the expectations and attachments that You, yourself place on Love.
L.H. It’s all starting to make sense. If I am really honest with myself, I projected fears and placed conditions not only on my partner but myself as well. When we broke up, trust was breached, I thought there was something wrong with me even though I had been cheated on....oh boy, there’s a lot of pieces of this whole puzzle that are falling into place.
H.S. Love is a powerfully supportive force in any situation and condition J Love is what creates the space to see and eventually heal the fears that drive the need for conditions. Your mind constantly strives to figure out what love is. It always does its best and in the end, you learn to move beyond the mind and to trust something much bigger.
L.H. Trust is a big thing for me. I think that a lot of my issues with love have to do with my need to control. I have always had a hard time with trust! I have been disappointed so many times ...and I mean even as a kid!
H.S. That’s what great about looking at the healing power of love!
L.H. This conversation rattles me but I feel like a tonne of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders.
H.S. Absolutely! It's your Truth. It takes courage to delve inside but that’s where you always find your perfect solutions.
L.H. Life is absolutely crazy! Or maybe humanity is! Why do we go around creating so much pain and hurt when all we want is LOVE?
H.S. I totally agree with you and it perfectly leads into Love of All. To keep it simple, I propose that you and I; that we (all) exist to purposefully experience LOVE of ALL. Life is an experience of love and joy, pain and suffering within your Self and with the Other. The light in you accepts the darkness within. It is the path to knowing yourself as unified, whole and truly complete. Such love exists and this is the human spirit’s healing adventure. Love of All is your Unity Consciousness. It is pristinely singular yet so incredibly complex! Love of All, well, it’s a REALLY BIG concept. We could spend many sessions talking about this! So, it’s best to break this metaphysical truth down to what most impacts your world, right now. What makes the most sense to you?
L.H. Love My Self!
L.H. I think I need to let that whole idea go....
H.S Let go of what idea?
L.H. Love Hurts... I am ready for Love Heals!
Originally, this blog entry was an article for a column intended to be a question and answer column...
Conversations with You is all about authentic connections... Very often the healing conversations enjoyed with clients, friends and colleagues on FaceBook or Skype are ideally suited for this monthly column published in Gusto Magazine (no longer in existence) The August Issue writing was inspired by a series of sessions and metaphysical conversations held with a client.